Back in my ‘heels and hosiery’ era, I was living in Sydney working in marketing and advertising – but it certainly wasn’t the version I’d seen on Melrose Place.
Instead of being creative and important, I was mostly on the phone. Dialling, saying the script and selling shit for 40 hours a week.
Welcome to telemarketing, where the only thing lower than the pay is your sense of satisfaction.
Needless to say, Friday nights were a release.. Which basically meant getting shitfaced and ending up in Kings Cross.
It was a time before Mike Baird’s lockout laws and it was wild. For the Melbourne folk, imagine Revolver Nightclub multiplied and mutated 15 times in the space of two blocks – with kebabs, pizza and ‘Gentlemen’s Clubs’ filling the slots.
Sometimes when sleep didn’t beckon, the strip clubs did. They weren’t my favourite thing but they were a way to fill time before reality hit.
One night I settled into a spermy armchair so my mates could lean forward and stuff cash into garters in for a full, fanny frontal.
Twas not my first rodeo but I felt entitled to lean in and have a good look. I wasn’t remotely aroused but hey, she was putting it out there 🤷♀️
“Hey Love, pay up or fuck off” she said without losing rhythm or making a big deal.
I was stung and wanted to argue “Lady, you’re the one with your arsehole on display… also I paid $12 dollars for this drink so I’m allowed to be here”
But instead I did the open mouth codfish thing and played on my Nokia til the embarrassment passed.
These last few months, it’s a moment I’ve remembered again and again.
Social media feels like a giant strip club where vulnerability not vulvas are the currency and there’s millions of us vying for your cash.
We writhe around hoping to get your attention… and as a consenting adult, I chose this. Mouths are fed, bills are paid. Hooray.
But now it’s gross and exhausting.
Of course I know I can share less, say less & be smaller but it’s like going to the back of the room.
Same effort, same gruelling shifts but with slightly less headfuck and a lot less earning. So I think to myself “Suck it up…Smile” and whack myself on the arse to get back out there.
The other night I collapsed on the couch and noticed the dog’s water was empty. And despite the fact they were clearly thirsty, I groaned – wishing they’d leave me alone and drink out of the toilet.
Not my proudest moment… but it was a solid indication that’s something’s gotta give.
Working on the farm by day and doing social media by night has taken a toll, and weirdly – it’s not even the trolls. It’s the need to be ‘on’ and accessible all the time.
“Can I have a discount code?”
“I emailed you this morning and haven’t heard back.. So thought I’d message you here (and here.. And here)”
“I don’t want to pay postage, can I pop out for a visit?”
No Susan, you may not.
I have yesterday’s egg on my shirt and I’m telepathically trying to teach my dogs to drink out of the toilet.
Just because I’ve been metaphorically stripping on social media and you’ve bought a $12 tin, you’re not getting a private show.
And yes, there are options to turn off notifications or disable comments but the algorithmic pimps punish you for that.
“She’s not playing the game, it’s not good for business. She can keep her shifts but we’ll put her up the back til she starts cooperating again”
So instead of taking a pay cut – I’ve thrown a drink and taken my oversharey self on leave.
I know my income will take a hit which worries me but so does losing my mind. I’m still working, picking, planting and packing orders – I just don’t want to be cheap entertainment in someone’s seedy club for a while.
Even though I put on a pretty good show (and it’s probably how you found me), at the core my farm produces beautiful stuff and I put more back into the earth than I take.
Visit the Shop and see the reviews for yourself xx
I hope the woman in the strip club pic has got herself some of your Happy Hoohaa balm! Brilliant stuff! Keep up the great products and please do whatever you have to to stay relatively sane in this exhausting world.
Shove the garter in the bottom drawer and put your jeans and wellies on…I’ll still stuff money in your metaphorical g-string! (By hammering my friends to buy your ‘it’s the tits’ salves…) 😁🫙
Love your honesty, zany sense of humour and your products equally.
The most important lesson in life is self care. Bless, you are one amazing human✨️
Hi J
Its quicker and i cant be arsed to write your whole name. Anyhoo I wouldnt bother letting people know your taking a break. Fuck people. Even porn stars get worn out. I fucking hate technology. Do not be a slave to social media. Your stuff sells itself. In the meantime,
Turn on, Tune in and drop out.
Like a drag queen at a cabaret.
Seeya
Louise
Oh Jemima…
You are an impressive human!
Always remember, we are human ‘beings’…not human ‘doings’ ☺️
I have never met you, probably never will but I have learned from your sharing that you are brave, capable, hilarious and warm.
Don’t change a thing! You make the world a better place, just by being in it.
I appreciate you and your products.
Be kind to yourself,
Peace x
Chin up beautiful authentic lady, I love your quirky stories and the way you say what you mean before you think! Takes one..
I certainly will continue purchasing from you as nothing else tickles my fancy and it bloody well works!! I’ve never been complimented so many times on my super soft glowy skin. My kiwi family are very keen for you to break into their part of the world. Those queens don’t even use sunscreen!?
God I know how to you feel. I’m kind of hoping for global collapse so I can just grow stuff and survive the apocalypse. Rest up and as the song goes, ‘Take a load off Fanny’ (apt considering the image)…
Hahaha! You know, you’re the second person I’ve heard from this week who’s harbouring a secret desire to start prepping 🤣🤣… I kinda love the idea of pickling and jarring so I can have years and years of food – but last time I tried that I forgot to ‘burp’ the jars and ended up with the most almighty vinegarry glass explosion in the house 😳
Dont hide for too long – I love your demos, and your wit – we need more authenticity in the world today – too much “fake news”. Oh and I love your happy hoo ha – its the bbbbesttt!! (oh and make the most of your break nothing better than disappearing from the world to recharge your batteries).
Good onya J!
Take the break. We all need to step back and get a reset for the old grey matter. I’ve sent my latest order in a bit earlier than I needed just to stuff yr G string over the transition. I’ll keep plugging your products to my girls so we all grow old with glowing healthy skin xx
You are one impressive human Jemima. Lots to learn from how you go about it!
All these comments are gold so rather than repeat their wisdom, I will instead tell you a joke to start your evening off with a smile….
Husband says: “I’m leaving you. I’ve been having an affair with Peggy up the road from No 7 and we’ve decided to run away together.”
Wife says: “So let me get this straight.. you’ve been sleeping with my best friend Peggy and now you’re leaving with her?”
Husband: “I didn’t know you knew her! How long have you been best friends?”
Wife: “About 10 seconds.” 🖕