Despite being a reasonably confident person, recently I’ve been reconciling how much of my ENTIRE LIFE I’ve spent negging my appearance.
And it’s not just me… lately I’ve also been acutely aware of how far my horses are from the image of perfection and berating myself when they don’t look ‘right’.
When can we start normalising muddy, grubby horses?
And smiley, liney, human faces?
My favourite pony, Timmy is absolutely putrid right now but he’s operating in peak condition, just the way he is.
And the same goes for me.
I’ve been doing a few ‘stories’ lately on social media… showing my face & chewing the figurative fat.
And weirdly, I’ve been ok with showing my face with no makeup and not doing my hair. Which is something I would never had done a year ago…
Oh no.
Even if I was in a dusty paddock doing a video, i’d still make sure my face was make-upped because I could barely stand to look at myself with all those ‘imperfections’
So what’s changed?
It’s not like I don’t care… In fact, I think it’s quite the opposite.
Because now instead of hating my droopy eyelid or wondering how I can hide Timmy’s curly coat from the prying eyes of the public – I’m in a place of appreciation.
As you know, my mental health has taken a big fucking tailspin lately- thanks in part to the drought that no one seems so know about.
And also I’ve just had a bit of a mental shift.
Quite by chance, a few days ago I read about this Japanese phenomenon called Wabi Sabi and I thought
“Boom! That’s what’s happening here”
What is Wabi Sabi?
Wabi Sabi is a Japanese concept that teaches people to search for beauty in imperfection.
It’s a reminder that perfection is impossible and everything in the living world is impermanent. It’s to accept how things are and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life.
Gee whizz… how beautiful is that?
Could this be why I’m suddenly not horrified by my greying hair and wrinkling neck skin?
Naturally, I swan-dived down the Wabi Sabi rabbit hole and this is what I found.
- Acceptance brings freedom.
Uketamo is a Japanese word that means accepting with an open heart.
It’s the idea that the sooner you can accept the good AND bad things life throws at you, the lighter you will feel and the faster you can move on.
The longer you resist, the longer you feed your own angst.
We’ve all had those tedious friends, still obsessed with ex partners or bitching about the same old stuff every time you see them 🙄
And while I 100% KNOW I have been that person in the past 🙈 (and chances you have too), when the shoe is on the other foot, I’m sure we’ve all thought
“Oh for fuck’s sake Sally – you’re actually just feeding your own misery by staying hung up on this. Just move on already” 🙄
Which is pretty much what Wabi Sabi says… just a little more eloquently 💪
2. Forget perfection.
Every living creature is in a constant state of change which means the concept of perfection is completely impossible.
It’s a moving target, if you will.
If you’ve ever had a shitty boss/client/parent that always moves the goal posts with what they want from you, then you know how depressing it is to work towards impossible and unrealistic expectations.
Perfection does not exist because change is the natural state.
3. Appreciate the beauty of ‘broken’.
So back to Japan for a sec…There’s an ancient, fantastic form of art that stems from Wabi Sabi. It’s known as Kintsugi.
The idea is that instead of chucking out broken things, the artist mends the broken objects with gold fillings. This gives them ‘golden scars’ and allows people to celebrate their changing form of imperfection.
The art is about piecing together broken items and making them more beautiful in the process. It reminds us that there is great beauty in broken things because scars tell a story.
4. Slowing down and simplifying is the best way to feel joy.
We all get in miserable ruts and I’m currently climbing out of one.
During these times it can be pretty tough to find beauty in everyday life because everything seems so fucking bleak.
But according to the teachings of Wabi Sabi, the antidote is to slow down and simplify.
And, I’m not sure about you – but that’s pretty much the biggest thing I need to learn.
I spend so much time rushing and fussing and I do jobs for the sake of ‘getting them done’ without really appreciating the moment.
5. Happiness is being content with where you are and what you have.
Us humans getting obsessed with FINDING happiness…
It’s like it’s a thing we have to go looking for…Whether it’s chasing likes on social, needing more ‘stuff’ or getting recognition.
When really, being thankful for the things we already have is just a much more wholesome, enjoyable way to be.
The takeaway…
At it’s core, Wabi Sabi is the reminder that life is fragile and temporary.
It’s as impermanent as anything else in nature, so are our horses, so are our bodies and so is every single thing around us.
So for now I’m appreciating myself and my horses – just the way we are.
For them, it’s those perfectly practical waterproof winter coats. They’re happy and their scars tell a story of their life.
For me, I’m thinking of myself like an aging tree.
Young trees are for the most part symmetrical, a bit same-same & non-descript. It’s not until they reach maturity that they get interesting and develop their own unique form.
It’s the texture, the creases and lopside-ed-ness that makes them beautiful 🙏
Glad I found you! I can truly relate to what you are on about! Body image is a killer, drought is a mental health destroyer. It takes a long time to accept yourself for what you are, to see the good and beautiful side to you. To actually get to like or love yourself.
To not to be self-critical of yourself and your animals. It has taken me a lifetime to learn this. Put together with working a farm with just your partner and trying to be everything to everybody, is a gig. Glad I found your blog.