I’m safe. The animals are safe.
I have a fire plan and own the important things like generators, pumps and sprinklers… but I’ve realised that my two greatest assets are my ex boyfriends.
Plural.
I might not be good at girlfriending – but gee there’s a lot to be said for choosing your exes well, and for that I award myself a solid 10/10
Just so you know, I would 100% be that person that dies in an emergency because they cant find their car keys.
And please don’t tell me about some kind of sensible, orderly system. I usually never take the keys from the ignition..
But apparently I did 
.. and the timing couldn’t have been worse.
Anthony arrived yesterday morning, just as the first fire alert kicked off 3ks from my back fence. He had snacks, electrolytes and also apparently teenage* knowlege on how to boost cars.
Remember ‘Gone in 60 seconds’? Well..it was more like 2 minutes with loud, sweary, sledge hammering but I’m now the proud owner of a vehicle that starts with a screwdriver.
He helped me run hoses, move horses and collect my thoughts and it’s safe to say if we weren’t already broken up we would have been by 9am… because I was a screechy, irrational bitch in the process.
Meanwhile my other ex, James was patiently running phone support while I screamed things like ‘How the FUCK do I re-block the gutters you unblocked?’….Cos that’s a nice way to speak to someone who climbed onto the roof and dug trenches in the rain.
For the record, my downpipes are now tightly embracing bundles of the long socks I love so much…
They work well.
The whole system worked well. Even when the power went out. The petrol pump worked, the sprinklers ran and the gutters overflowed.. So we retreated inside and waited.
The wind was absolutely MENTAL. Swirly, fierce and unpredictable but it was really nice to have company.
Having Anth there made it feel much less terrifying. We discussed important things like bum sweat and the world’s longest poo, while feeding the duckling and supervising it’s swimming lessons in a fruit bowl on the dining table.
Meanwhile, my horses – for the first time in the history of horses -made good choices and camped in a swampy part of the dam for the day.
Anth was released from duty when the cyclonic winds lessened yesterday and today James subbed in, bearing fuel, food and ready to fix my list of ‘Fuck.. it’s too late’ things so I can be better prepped next time.
It was a lovely time with arguments and shit stirring.. just like old times 
Needless to say, I have friends living in areas that are in much worse fire situations.. It’s not over yet and I have the biggest respect for the volunteer firefighters.
I’m grateful, grubby & absolutely rooted but safe – Jemima xx
To me, you are a remarkable woman!!🙏🦋🌻👋🤪