I haven’t yet mastered how to balance being kind to myself, while rolling with the punches. I seem to be excellent at catastrophising when things are grim – not sure if you’ve noticed and I know I’m not alone.
Anyway, a podcast I listened to recently suggested that in situations of shitfuckery a good antidote is to say “You have phenomenal coping skills” right when things start to unravel.
Sounds absurd, right?
Well today I had the opportunity to give it a whirl.
I’m currently with Covid.
Kinda retro… and a bit rich considering I hardly see a single human in real life – but we’ve got my jet-setting brother to thank for that 🙄
And even though it feels like I’m swallowing swords and am so snotty I pronounce my own name as J-Bye-Buh, sick leave on the farm is not a thing.
The duck ponds were due for draining yesterday (and the day before) but I opted out… Today though, they smelled like Rotarua, and of course I slipped while straddling them to clear the drain.
Then I tried to wipe my nose and ended up with sulphuric duck stink up my snout and nearly had a teary.
“You have phenomenal coping skills” I grunted.
Not surprisingly it felt ridiculous…
But what WAS surprising was that the absurdity opened the door to a tiny smile… so I said it again, this time with more gusto.
“You, young lady have phenomenal coping skills”… announced like an annoying drama kid, as I shivered and squelched around feeding my ungrateful dependents.
And even though I was looking forward to a good pity party – I realised that all things considered, I actually do have pretty good coping skills.
….Meanwhile ‘Gangnam Style’ found it’s way into my headphones and if my fingers weren’t covered with stenchy slop – I would have reached for my phone to skip to the next song.
But nek minnit, I was subbing in my new phrase for the chorus
“Op, Op, Op, Phenomenal Coping Skills”
Grunt, grunt grunt..
“Coping Skills” 🎵
I have no idea how this is going to land- seeing as I’m writing this and you’re reading but hopefully you can dig out the boppy earworm from the depths of your brain.
Importantly, the next section of this iconic song says “Hey Sexy Lady”
Many times.
And let me tell you…Never has someone needed to adore themselves more with repeated affirmations, than when they’re horribly sick, cold, wet and covered in liquid duck fart.
“Heeeeeey Sexy Lady!”
“Op.. Op…Op… Coping Skills” 🎵💪
Anyhoo, this little recital amused me so much that I didn’t even realise how effectively it stopped the pity party spiral 👌
I’m now inside, showered and wearing soft pants on the couch.
Could it be funny? Could it be brain fog?
Who knows?
But next time you’re feeling shitty, please have a go of this ditty and report back with your findings.
Even better – if you have any similar songs for shitfuckery situations, please offer your tried and tested lyrical variations in the comments – cos lord knows I’d like to have a few in reserve.
With snot and mouth breathing, J’Bye-Buh xx
OMG, duck shit! Who knew it could make you dry retch so violently?
Also I see your duck shit and raise you colostrum fuelled lamb poo! This is where I am at this week with a poddy lamb just when I thought I’d survived 2026 lambing pretty well unscathed the last delivery was rejected by mum. The house smells of shit, I smell of shit, lamb milk and misery but hey, I tell myself daily on my solo grind that I have the life others pray for. 😆 🤣 😂 💩
Another bites the dust, and another down, another bites the dust. As I go through life squashing bugs, people, fungus, shitty situations, kicking things. That feeling of working through it one at a time, and another one bites the dust.
I used to keep ducks and know that hideous smell that gets into the nostrils but I’m also a nurse and I would 100% rather any animal smell than human smells (shit piss vomit etc) My special song only gets two lines … I am woman hear me roar and then I roar until I have expelled all the air from my lungs and then I will do it again if the first time doesn’t ease the burden !
Pretty sure this is why duck rhymes with f………